I have been wondering how to write to you.
but not to write to you in words, but instead, an overwhelming satisfaction of love.
to make the pages you run your fingers down come alive, to make the ink bleed off the page into your clammy palms, to have the crinkles of the paper be bold enough to hear it in a crowded room.
be silenced while you hear my voice speak love into your broken life.
feel my touch through the thin, wearing pages.
you are not alone.
I want the words from my mouth to flow with tenderness and bring you delight.
I want you to feel alive, but I want you to face your fears.
oh darling, you are beautiful beyond all compare.
You are life's heart beat.
your passionate soul sets a flame to the weary.
though you are weak, your boldness only screams strength.
I have needed you to know love and to feel love.
I have ached to bring your beauty fame.
let my faint whisper scream and allow my words to send chills through your blood stream.
I feel it is important that you hear my heart for you, not just my words for you.
don't forget that you are beautiful.
don't forget that you are loved.
don't forget it, darling, don't you ever forget it.

he said to her, "you're not worth it"

silenced

she sat in silence
gathering her thoughts.
steadily she began to speak.
softly, she stroked his blackened heart with words of colour,
gently and carefully, saying, "That is where you are wrong
because I still stand here, and as long as I stand alive, I breathe and walk purpose. I am worth it"

silenced

he ached in grievance, knowing this time he couldn't win,
he knew victory and took pride, but failure was raw,
it was heavy and it weakened his knees.

silenced

he went to speak, but the words turned to silence

how could I be so blind to believe that love could find me
at what point did I become weak and let down my guard?
this.
this is what haunts me.

I felt a crack begin to form
you're the most I have cared for
the most I have wanted
but the most I have feared
where does that leave me
in the chaos of my mind
at what point should my heart continue to beat
for you
or to stray from you
do i linger in a memory
or do i leap in faith
tell me
because I am about to lose this race

For a moment I heard your cry

A quickened moment 

I saw you trying to survive.

Shattered but whole.

Mask it baby,

you're a terrified soul

I have found ways to try to make you stay.

I have searched deep, begging for the words to say.

I can't find you baby, 

you're lost within your ways

No heartache baby 

I'll be the first to run away.

I write in order not to feel

To numb and silence what may come out

I love so deep that I scream in silence, 

masked by the laughter upon my face

It is easy to live ideally, to not care

and walk emotionless

To only feel joy 

because pain isn't real

It is easy.

I know it is.

But it is difficult to walk in the pain and feel it.

It takes character to feel more than one thing

The problem is...no one believes in emotions anymore.

They make us feel weak, so we walk proud.

It is sad that we all desperately want to feel loved and to love, but we are not willing to love because that means acting on something...anything other than the masks we wear.

We have become disconnected from our own emotions that we forget depth 

and we forget the sensation of our own heartbeat 

her heart is lost in amongst the chaos
conflicted by the way it should feel
she has come to doubt if there is anything
that could ever be considered as real

with one breath closer
there is a hole in her chest
leaking out her needed air to carry on with the rest

her self it to blame
no perfection
no fame
there aint nothing to her, but a girl with a name

the voices are loud
as they echo so clear
her worth is slipping
yes, this is her fear

just once
is she asking too much?
must her barren heart be stepped on like mush

it is finished baby
but the start was not near

her wondering heart
she once believed to be dear

not ever again was a love to be felt

deeper.

baby,

deeper

can you see it

can you feel it

maybe this time i won't be afraid

how do I speak in such a way that it tugs at your hearts strings,

that my words shake every bone in your body, that it regenerates a new way of thinking?

How do I talk innocence while screaming distaste. how do I fuel the fire within you and ignite you on fire?

to feel  - to be real - to speak - to love - to reach

what must I do for you to hear my dire cry echo through the mountains and dance upon the raging waves. 

You, are limit-less, yet you are vain.

your self indulgence eat the words that flow from my heart and your vanity rips them. 

---this isn’t about you, but I only write for you. ---

how do I scream into you. hypocrite. 

to be someone who speaks love, but turns in self vanity. 

I wanted you to love me. I wanted every piece of you, till you swallowed me whole. till you drown me in your own tainting ways. 

you don’t see it

you are blind to all that you are and all that you are becoming

this isn’t about you

but everything is for you

everything is about you

it always will be about you

how do I preach love into your life.

how do I break you down far enough for you to see your cracked bones

for you to see a weathered heart

for you to see your venom veins. 

for you to see the distaste that flows from your mouth

for you to feel broken enough to share, to feel, anything

for you to see past your own mask and find yourself

how do i.

how do i.

this isn't about you anymore. I wrote for you and only you. I still write out of brokeness for you.

I hurt for you. 

I no longer long for you, but I break for you.

her heart has but its own memory

tossed in amoungst the clouds

not fully obstructed, but with cracks of truth glistening through

she knew, she knew

she was on her way



baby, you are liberating
igniting my heart a flame
making me nostalgic for a love that
transformed into a stranger,
too beautiful to touch
entageled and no longer estranged
let's get lost in love
and lose ourselves in amoungst the chaos

I imagine you to be senselessly wild, crashing into me the way the waves crash into the shore.
The sensation of adventure, just as the wind whisks through my hair. You are a dreamer, baby.
Pull me in just as the oceans sweeps back the tides; for you, i'll swallow my sense of pride.

you see, I cannot love you
i fear myself and what love will bring
I want to fall
let go
jump
you see there is nothing more I want
than to feel
something
most anything
I cannot be what you need or what you want
I am selfish in my own ways
you are delicate and beautiful
i lose breath at the thought of your touch
lose sight at the glimmer in your eye
i cannot look at you
blinded by past but,
"to lose is only to gain"
is something I have yet to grasp.
I prefer warmth, but I am cold
know your worth and what you can bring
one day I'll stop dreaming and fully allow my heart to sing

two souls but one heart

a heart for Christ

 

 

looking back on 60 years of life spent together.

Here stands my grandparents who have taught me winsdom

and enoucraged me through life.

always showing me what it means to be the reflection of Christ.

They have surely lived out a passion for Him

they ignite a fire through the souls of others.

seeking Him first, always

Servants of the Lord

and forever

my heroes

the beauty about living is the authenticity that it brings. 

to gather together, dream together

laugh together and even mourn together. 

there is always beauty around us, but sometimes, while in our selfish thoughts we look past it all. we forget where we came from and why we were created, by Him and to bring Him glory. I cannot express how distasteful I am when the world becomes about me. I pray that He continues to break me so that I am constantly reminded how desperately I need Him. I cannot wait to dream with Him and only for Him. Gracious is He to save a wretch such as me. 

with her wall built high

she began to wonder 

can anyone even climb that high? 

for not even she can see the top. she begs to remain

safe, 

to be hidden from it all.

each time he built her up only to tear her down, her wall grew a layer

countless times

no, she could never make him stay. 

a wander at heart, her soul cries for more.

no less anymore

her love so strong, she is dying to care for someone other than his own despair

with a wall so high 

even she 

does not know where to being

to bring it down low again

he walks with pride, still though, he is blind to all that he cannot un-see

trust remains easy as he dips his toes deep enough to feel

something, anything - he goes undamaged

it only takes one glance,

the lock of his eyes for her to feel the passion she once felt

this time, and every time since, his eyes remain dark

black and soulless 

does he remember?

does it matter? he is free at last.

far from her 

fleeing from her grasp 

at a quickened rate.

just as of late 

vivid images of him have stained her tainted mind

wishing she could scrape them clean

with rolls of thunder the silence is broken

but with flashes of lightening she sees his face

blinded by his memory she can no longer see faith

faith in believing she will learn to love again

faith in believing he will not win

too frightened to feel brave

though others have chipped at her concrete wall

they wither fast

it cannot be broken and that she fears

none will pass 

her wall continues to heighten fast

She continued to resist and it was not until she let herself feel the emotions of black, that the black
faded to a light grey, but in progress of becoming white as snow.
He couldn't see her desires and he ran. solely she desired him, and nothing more.
How could she give so much for him to turn? But isn't that the world's problem?
We have been given love freely, but we turn.
we run.
we hide.
this isn't ours.
Come out of your own darkness and stand in the light.
Selfish darkness that consumes her life.
Not dark enough to pull her down, but not light enough to forget that she needs to fill satisfactions.
No worldly desire can fulfil she dark shadows, but only by the Grace of the Father.

I thought I knew it all and I thought I had grasped
just exactly what you had given me, but I cannot and I never will.
You have given too much
sacrificed for me. How can I fathom such beauty.
I will wonder and I will stumble but I promise to not lose sight
for what you have given
there is nothing comparable.
My one and only
forever my constant

before you know it
this is for you
beautiful and marvellous, you.
i feel your heart beat from afar as your feet gently kiss the earth below
the wonders of the world have caught your eye
they glimmer in the moonlight
and they pierce colour through the sunlight
your frail bones are at a mend
you are mine
before you know it
travellers in different worlds
lost
but to be found
I can feel you
hear you
taste you
what an adventure you are
from your head to your finger tips
all too beautiful
your faith is plentiful and your heart is wild
perfectly imaginable
but too perfect to grasp
the wonder that fills your bloodstream
i've held you a hundred times
wander in wonder
you are the my great unknown

I marvel at Your handy work

a Father with the ability to imagine and create such beauty

created me

how can I fathom such?

overwhelmed by Your masterpiece

blown away again and again

it is because of this and who You are

that I will climb mountains to proclaim Your name

The.Great.I.Am

HE > i

Let Your Kingdom come

don't stray

keep your eyes focused

may the beauty

that surrounds you

keep you longing for more

this one is for you; it will always be for you

but if I could tell you anything now, 

it would be this:

your body is a map, there are places inside it you have never seen

there is an ocean of strength hiding 

somewhere inside your ribcage

wanting to be discovered and 

named as the great world

wonder.

lead me Father. 

take me down the unknown

prepare the way 

so that I may walk in Your name

may my voice echo Your name. 

let every bone in me proclaim

how worthy is Your unchanging name

"We attempt to conceal ourselves but the truth is we do not entirely want to be concealed. We want to be found. Every poet, sooner or later, discovers this: that within perfect walls, there is ntohing worth protecting. There is, in fact, nothing. And so we exchange privacy for intimacy. We gamble with it, hoping that by exposing ourselves, someone will find a way in. This is why the human animal will always be vulnerable: because it wants to be."

"I am tired of trying to hold things together that cannot be held... Trying to control what cannot be controlled. I am tried of denying myself what I want for fear of breaking things I cannot fix. They will break no matter what we do."

reach for me as I reach for you

For you, I'd run. I won't stop running. 

For you, I move forward. 

I search and I yearn to find you again. 

I will run. I will run.

To you.

I will not look behind

I will keep my eyes focused.

I promise to find you. 

I will not leave you.

For you, for you.

It is all for you.

" You call me out upon the waters

the great unknown where feet may fail
and there I find You in the mystery
in oceans deep
my faith will stand

and I will call upon Your name

and keep my eyes above the waves

when oceans rise

my soul will rest in Your embrace

for I am Yours and You are mine "

 " Spirit lead me where my trust is without boarders

let me walk upon the waters

wherever you would call me

take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

in my faith would be made stronger

in the presence of my Savior "

Oceans by Hillsong United

Know that I am He. I am He who moves mountains

I am He who calls you by name. 

Stand firm in Me and let Me change your heart; for, 

I can move mountains and make the world shake beneath your feet. 

I restore life. 

I know then, I know now, I know future,

and I know YOU.

Do you know me?

Come find rest in Me. 

I imagine it to be. I imagine you to feel.

I imagine you to be there. I imagine this to be real.

Let it go. Just let it go.

 

Stand Firm.

 

Through the cold despaire

 

He promises to hold you above the water, oh I swear.

there was a spark of life that invaded and consumed. the pain swept through the wind.

in sync with her own heart, she found new meaning

His work being done in the most magical ways

Days spent living

are days worthwhile

simple.

live for today

cherish the time you have been given

immerse yourself in the beauty that surrounds you

You found me in all that I am

to be desired

by the creator of all things beautiful

is more satisfying than worldly love

He is more than enough

let it be

and

be still

change is not to be feared; for, 

while in change He is doing

His greatest works. 

I will convince myself that it isn't right

I will hold my ground and put up a fight 

Losing you hasn't settled quite right

shelter me from worldly pains

may You be my only gain

For I, the Lord your God, hold your hight hand; 

it is I who say to you,

"Fear not, I am the one who helps you."

Isaiah 41:13

" I planted that longing in human souls, knowing that only I could satisfy it"

Delight yourself in Me. 

I am all that you need.

dazzling delicate beauty

narrow in

peace

there were days she felt estranged

disconnected at far 

fuelled by love 

she fell

lost in wonder

the complexity of bliss

with joy He filled her hearts desires

it ran through her like wildfire

never could she feel such a rush

His loving, tender touch

such emense beauty that whipped 

through her entire body, He gripped

she felt alive

no longer to be deprived

breathe out so that I can breathe you in. 

I want to wrap you in light

illuminate the beauty you do not see

I have found you to be

exquisite, 

naturally

when you're ready

to be

loved with entirety

i'll be here

waiting 

patiently

know this and be still

" my imagination makes me human and makes me a fool;

it gives me all the world and exiles me from it. "

I will write and I will write.
I won't stop. it keeps me alive. it keeps the blood running through my viens.
when I write - I will write for you.
it will be a proclamation of my love.
when the time comes
you will know
know it is you.

I have not come to a conclusion as to why I have been faced with some of the circumstances in my life - but I am on my way to finding peace in every situation.

My prayer is that with whatever outcome I will be hit with that I will be content. 

I only want to walk in His glory and not for my own worldly pleasures - but with that - there comes decisions that are painful and it is with His loving hand that I can walk through them. 

I know I am not perfect and I have my days where the world is crashing all around me and I cannot seem to find my way out but then there are days where I see so much potential in His working hands that those days seem to be worth it. I have found so many distractions and have led me astray and I am I am struggling to be firm. May this month and up coming year be a year of transformation and learning to jump with two feet. 

" 'I wish you weren't so beautiful,' [she] answered, awkwardly, as though [she] could scarcely bring [herself] to say such foolish things. 'I'm so afraid that something will happen to prevent us from being happy. It seems too much to expect that I should enjoy such extraordinarily good luck.' "

I made a vow that I would not hold back how I feel.
That I would speak solely from the heart even if it leads me to heartache.

I have come to the realization that life is bitter sweet and we will never get answers if we don't put ourselves out there. What should it matter if the other walks away? We were fine without them before they came. Why do we feel that the other must be the one to put themselves on the line - if we want something, we should go after it. I am learning how to do this, and slowly it is starting to feel good.
I have held back thoughts for so long -
what does it matter if people judge your ambitions or the way you want?
It is your life - do what makes you thrive.
Stop questioning how it could be - dive into it. Submerge yourself in wonder.
Yes, I am terrified of what may come of this, but I don't want to linger any longer, scraping for answers.
I want to know more and I intend to do just that.

I will dream till I cannot dream anymore.

it is not enough to just walk away
courage-less and cowardly
what happened to bravery?
your divine character of integrity
don't you see, you are not who people make you out to be.
you've masked yourself
speak what is to be spoken.
a glimpse.
a taste
it was given freely
and taken so quickly.
did you not feel?
humility
i was fooled

you built me up on lies
you're courage-less
i am trying to survive

I was built on broken dreams that I have yet to satisfy.