I have been struggling the past few weeks - should I post this or should I not poswt this, but I have come to the conclusion that I need to be honest and with being honest I I feel less restrained.

As of late I have experienced a rather serious injury to my body, which has held me back and really stopped me from a constant 'go' mode; instead, I am stuck at home literally doing nothing but reflecting on things in my life. I have experienced a lot of emotions because I have been exposed. Not just emotionally exposed. but physically exposed as well. This injury has stopped me from being able to bathe myself, wash my own hair, dress myself, put myself to bed, and even stopped me from being able to do my own hair, I have been exposed. I feel incredibly vulnerable and an annoyance to my family, my friends are so busy they don't have a lot of time to visit so I costantly feel alone. It has been hard.
I know there is something in this for me to learn, and I know God has a plan, but again I get the answer, "wait". Maybe this is His way of forcing me to wait beacuse I cannot do anything else.

I have spent many days being angry and frustrated that this would happen and the way it happpened, I find myself to the point of tears knowing that if I want to even consider feeling clean or not be in my pj's I must rely on my family to take care of me. It sucks. I feel completely helpless. Now, I am fortunate enough to regain all these life skills in a matter of months, which causes me even more heart break because there are so many who suffer far worse than I, so why do I get the luxery of becoming mobile again? It hurts - everything in me hurts. Emotionally and physically.

I recently recieved a text message from someone I once loved and felt for - they had heard of the accident and wanted to make sure I was okay, but with doing that I have been opened up to a flood of emotions and I am learning to rebuild that strength to distance myself all over again - it is a constant battle.It is nice to show they care, but they do not care enough to actually reach out. The two I have ever loved have shown no mercy. I have learned that quite clearly these past few months, but It is hard to rid yourself from feelings when, "the heart wants what the heart wants."

Needless to say - I know the Lord has a plan and I know what I see right now is not the end. Maybe I needed to stop and be immoblie inorder to learn that I deserve more. What is God teaching me through this and how can I better use it to stregthen myself? As of late I feel like I have been ripped open. I have sat undressed crying on my bedroom floor after an attempt to cloth myself and have had family be so patient with me while they have to monitor me.I have been so blessed. Maybe my lesson was to show me that my family will never leave me. This I am unsure of what I am to take from this rather large emotional and physical experience. The only real answer I have right now is that I have been exposed.