I’ve been hit.
Hit so hard. My chest concaved and my breathing quick and short. There is a pulse deep within. A pulse so deep I can feel it in my back as if I am being pushed. I can’t get up. There is a yearning for more but with these overcoming happenings I am immobile. I am antsier than I ever could imagine. What am I to do with all of this? I cry out. But the answer remains, “wait”. How am I to wait when my patience is growing thin - I am about to snap. Lord, you tell me to wait so give me the patience to withstand the wait. In every situation of my life you repeat, “wait”, but I am tired of waiting – what am I even waiting for? I have faith in Him and what He has planned for my life – plans to be more like Him and plans to better myself as a person. I have no doubt that these plans are beyond anything I can imagine for myself, but when are these plans to come – where will He lead me? Patience is a virtue. Maybe He is teaching me patience because the only answer I continue to get is to wait. I am so tired of waiting, and yet, I am so thrilled for this wait to be over. I cannot contain my excitement to see His plans for myself. I’ve been broken and mended. I have been thrown to my knees and brought back to my feet – His love prevails And there is no doubt in my mind that I will be faced with trails again. As my own desires continue to push me in certain directions I must resist them because I am to wait. I want so badly to keep pushing down the path; for, I am not one for standing still, but still, I will wait. Fighting urges and fighting my own will. I want His will. Even if it kills me – I will wait.

I will glorify Him in my wait and I will lean on Him for understanding. I will fight all earthly desires and strive to yearn for His desires. He is my constant – my only. Lord, if your wish and your desires for my life is to wait on You – I will, but give me strength and patience to make it through this waiting battle.