The more I struggle - the more I lean on Him.
I have been struggling a lot with words and my actions lately.
I am constantly running thoughts through my head - did I say the right thing?
Did I respond the right way?
I want to be seen as different - as if I am living for something more than just life, but how do I go about doing that? The question remains.
While I continue to seek out the answer to this daunting, yet exciting question I must remember that
I am on an adventure with Him.
Daily I am reminded, and need to remind myself, that I am made in the image of God;
and if I am created by Him and if I am seeking His ways.. then I have to be on the right path?
This I am not sure of - but it is in faith that I know He will make my paths straight and He will lead me.
Though I know this is true I have allowed myself to be affected by pain and to hide in the darkness.
I have allowed anger to control me and despair lead my thoughts.
Where do I turn? I turned to no one but myself. A vicious cycle. I have not been myself lately.
I have buried myself so deep in "joy" that it almost feels real. Why do I continue on this vicious pattern when I know so much truth? With so many mixed hurts how can I can I continue to seek out His kingdom if I allow for such anger to overtake me?
I continue to repeat - His kingdom is love. His kingdom is love. His kingdom is love.
Though I know these words they only seem to sink in temporarily.
Days such as these ones - bringing to my knees, seeking His love - remind me that without pain I wouldn't need Him. I wouldn't need His grace. I wouldn't need faith that He is in control and will provide. So, once again, I attempt to smile and rejoice in my suffering knowing that He will not forsake me.
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